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How to Teach Self Control to Children
Self-control is an important trait that adults will use with them, to their benefit and to society’s
benefit, throughout their lives. Acts of self-control or lack thereof, stem from childhood.
Parents should teach their children self-control at a very young age, so that they can bring
these characteristics with them, as they grow older.
Both inside the home and outside, children exhibit behaviour that sometimes needs
restraining of parents. Teaching children self-control will make them easier to handle, and can
help them make better decisions that should not result in frustration, making you a happier
parent and him a happier child.
Toddler Years (1-3 years old)
During these critical years, toddlers throw tantrums especially when they are frustrated.
Frustration is usually a result of communication, since at this age they still have a difficulty
clearly communicating their wants and needs. As parents, make sure that you use simple
words and clear directions. It will also help to establish a routine with your child, and work
with that.
They usually have a difficult time socializing with other children, as they like to play beside
them, and not with them, and doing things for themselves only. When your child has
outbursts, you might want to try separating your child, and putting him into a room for a few
minutes so, he can deal with his frustration and learn that outbursts are not the only way he
can let this out. This is called time out. Make sure that when you put your child on time out,
there are no activities in the room for them to enjoy, or else it would seem that they are
being rewarded.
Preschooler Years (3-5 years old)
During this age, children start to ask questions, and you can use this opportunity to explain to
them that crying is not the way to communicate. When needed, you can still use the method
of time out and stay with them until they calm down. It is also important that you stick to the
routines you have established with them.
Give your child praise for not losing self-control in situations when they behave, express that
you are proud and happy. If they misbehave and start to hurt other people as a result, like
hitting or throwing things, do not yell. Firmly explain that it is alright to be upset if their toys
break, but it is not alright to hit other people.
They are also very unpredictable at this age, so be patient. When your child has outbursts due
to interaction with other children, calmly explain the situation to them. It is important also to
give them a lot of attention, so both parent and child can work on communication strategies.
Always shower them with hugs and kisses, and of course positive reinforcement. Remember
that children also mimic what they see in their environment, so always be a model of good
behaviour.
Age 6-9
You can start planning simple activities to engage your child in that will practice their self-
control. One such way is letting them practice how to act when they want something that they
cannot have. Let them say aloud what it is they want, and to say, “I want this but I can’t have
it right now.” In addition, ask them what they would do instead. Would they borrow something
or turn their attention to something else productive? Discuss with them times when they would
usually want something that they cannot always have, such as being in the toy store.
The interaction with other children at school will also help them practice self-control, such as
sharing their things with other children and waiting for their turn. Reinforce that they always
have two choices when making a decision. School will help them understand the
consequences of choosing bad behaviour. In addition, most importantly, remember to be
consistent. Always communicate to your child that tantrums and outbursts are not acceptable
behaviour.
Self-control is an important trait that adults will use with them, to their benefit and to society’s
benefit, throughout their lives. Acts of self-control or lack thereof, stem from childhood.
Parents should teach their children self-control at a very young age, so that they can bring
these characteristics with them, as they grow older.
Both inside the home and outside, children exhibit behaviour that sometimes needs
restraining of parents. Teaching children self-control will make them easier to handle, and can
help them make better decisions that should not result in frustration, making you a happier
parent and him a happier child.
Toddler Years (1-3 years old)
During these critical years, toddlers throw tantrums especially when they are frustrated.
Frustration is usually a result of communication, since at this age they still have a difficulty
clearly communicating their wants and needs. As parents, make sure that you use simple
words and clear directions. It will also help to establish a routine with your child, and work
with that.
They usually have a difficult time socializing with other children, as they like to play beside
them, and not with them, and doing things for themselves only. When your child has
outbursts, you might want to try separating your child, and putting him into a room for a few
minutes so, he can deal with his frustration and learn that outbursts are not the only way he
can let this out. This is called time out. Make sure that when you put your child on time out,
there are no activities in the room for them to enjoy, or else it would seem that they are
being rewarded.
Preschooler Years (3-5 years old)
During this age, children start to ask questions, and you can use this opportunity to explain to
them that crying is not the way to communicate. When needed, you can still use the method
of time out and stay with them until they calm down. It is also important that you stick to the
routines you have established with them.
Give your child praise for not losing self-control in situations when they behave, express that
you are proud and happy. If they misbehave and start to hurt other people as a result, like
hitting or throwing things, do not yell. Firmly explain that it is alright to be upset if their toys
break, but it is not alright to hit other people.
They are also very unpredictable at this age, so be patient. When your child has outbursts due
to interaction with other children, calmly explain the situation to them. It is important also to
give them a lot of attention, so both parent and child can work on communication strategies.
Always shower them with hugs and kisses, and of course positive reinforcement. Remember
that children also mimic what they see in their environment, so always be a model of good
behaviour.
Age 6-9
You can start planning simple activities to engage your child in that will practice their self-
control. One such way is letting them practice how to act when they want something that they
cannot have. Let them say aloud what it is they want, and to say, “I want this but I can’t have
it right now.” In addition, ask them what they would do instead. Would they borrow something
or turn their attention to something else productive? Discuss with them times when they would
usually want something that they cannot always have, such as being in the toy store.
The interaction with other children at school will also help them practice self-control, such as
sharing their things with other children and waiting for their turn. Reinforce that they always
have two choices when making a decision. School will help them understand the
consequences of choosing bad behaviour. In addition, most importantly, remember to be
consistent. Always communicate to your child that tantrums and outbursts are not acceptable
behaviour.
Positive Self-Development for Sport and Life
Unless you want to miss out on the most exciting information about
self development for sport and life in a Decade!
Self-Development for Sales People
Do you want to improve your sales and your profits? Do you want
to break all the sales records in your office?
Self-Healing and Development
Do you ever feel as though you could do more with your life? Wish
you could have better health?
Understanding Your Dreams
Do you ever wonder what your dreams mean?
Unless you want to miss out on the most exciting information about
self development for sport and life in a Decade!
Self-Development for Sales People
Do you want to improve your sales and your profits? Do you want
to break all the sales records in your office?
Self-Healing and Development
Do you ever feel as though you could do more with your life? Wish
you could have better health?
Understanding Your Dreams
Do you ever wonder what your dreams mean?
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